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Marriage,
Death, Divorce, Moving.... These are the Big Four stressors in our lives and while I don't have solutions to the first
three I think I have an idea on how to make moving as stress-free as possible. |
Have a laught:
A Removal man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter.
"How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant.
In a manner she responds, "Which
Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for £19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for £19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for
£19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for £19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for £19.95, and Divorced Barbie for
£395.00. "
The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others ?
"That's
obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's
furniture... "
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A man and van from London and his wife were lying in bed together one night. The wife rolled over and placed
her hand lovingly on the chest of her husband.
"Honey," the wife said, "if I died would you get
married again?"
The husband said, "Never, my dear."
The wife said, "I'm sure
you would."
So the husband said, "Okay, I would"
"Would you let her sleep in our
bed?" the wife asked.
And the husband replied, "I suppose so."
Then the wife asked,
"Would you let her wear my clothes?"
"I doubt she'd want to," the removal man said. "She
is so much thinner."
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A
little kid asks his father - London Removal specialist, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son.
God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both
son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes son, he loves all children."
The
child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
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Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's
going around?"
The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?"
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Little Johnny was on a park
bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old removal specialist came over and said. "Son, don't
you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"
"My grandfather
lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.
"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the removal specialist
retorted.
"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freaking' business."
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Two London Removal guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking
the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn't allow dogs. There was no place to safely
secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.
"Just
watch me and follow my lead," he said.
He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said
to him, "I'm sorry but I can't let you in here."
The guy looked at the bartender and asked, "Why
not?"
The bartender replied, "Well, we don't allow dogs into the bar."
"But this is
my seeing eye dog," the guy said.
"Oh, I'm sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever."
The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can't
let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.
"But this is my seeing
eye dog," said the second guy.
The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said,
"Sir, ah... um... a Chihuahua?"
The man looked a little puzzled and then said, "What? They gave me a
Chihuahua?"
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One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a London City Police
Precinct to report that his British
wife was planning to kill him.
The police officer on duty was intrigued by this and he asked, "How sure
are ya that she is gonna kill you? Did she threaten to kill you?"
"No," replied the nervous immigrant.
"Did ya hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill you?"
"No."
"Did someone tell ya that your wife is gonna kill you?"
"No."
"Then why
in God's name did you think she's gonna kill you?" asked the
exasperated police officer.
"Because
I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!" He
handed the police officer the suspect bottle.
The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and
started to laugh out loud. The immigrant became
indignant and said,
"What so funny? Can't you see the label on bottle said, 'Polish
Remover'?"
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10 Husbands,
Still a Virgin
A Removal Man married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On
their
wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm
still a virgin."
"What?"
said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married
ten times?"
"Well, Husband
#1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great
it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software
services; he was never really sure how it was
supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to
me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out
diagnostically but he just couldn't
get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he
didn't know
when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted
three
years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art
method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration;
he thought he knew how,
but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing;
although he had a nice product, he was never
sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he
ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10
was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really
excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a Removal
Man. This time I know I'm gonna have all things done well!"
